it’s 3:16 a.m. right now. my sister just left my room and went to bed. (for those of you who don’t know, she’s a lesbian.) she came out to my parents three years ago, while she was away at college. she came home for winter break three days ago, and ever since she has been back, we have had hours and hours of discussion about being gay. during the first night, she cried to me because she felt like my mom hasn’t been as accepting as possible. the second night, we talked about being gay in a hetero-normative society. and tonight, the third night, we discussed how i should come out to my parents.
to be honest, i don’t know how i feel about coming out to them. part of me feels like this is a huge step in my life, and another part of me feels like this isn’t that dramatic. the only thing i’m sure of is that i’m nervous as fuck.
i’ve been super close with my mom for such a long time, and i don’t want our relationship to change at all. i think i’m subconsciously annoyed with her because she has rationalized and suppressed the notion of me being gay for such a long time. 90% of people can tell i’m gay when they hear my voice. i’ve never had a girlfriend. i don’t have posters of naked women on my wall. why the fuck haven’t you confronted me, mom? it’s like there’s a fat ass sparkly rainbow elephant in the room.
i know tomorrow isn’t the best time to tell her, especially since she is super stressed about having our family over for christmas, and her mind is preoccupied with last-minute holiday shopping, but i’m afraid if i don’t tell her tomorrow, i’ll hold it off for another 6 months. it’s 3:27 a.m. and i want to wake her up right now and tell her, just to get it over with.
i have no idea how she is going to react. i have no idea what i’m going to say. my plan is to not have a plan. i’m not going to bed, and when i bring her her morning coffee at 7 a.m. i’ll also be bringing along a secret i’ve kept from her for almost 19 years.
merry christmas, mom.
Good luck, i am sure everything thing will be fine.
pretty much has been my movie this whole week. it’s my 6th time watching it and it is not getting old:)